It's funny huh? How I am back to square one. I still remember very clearly what happened last year. I don't think I will ever ever make the same mistake again. Too much time wasted I guess.

Focusing all those time on other people that really needs someone to be there for them, is better than wasting time on all these meaningless stuff.

I doubt I will ever be the same again.

What should I do?

愛 是為彼此祝福

It sucks when you know everything. Because you will be wondering what can you do. This definitely sucks.

Attitude is everything =D

Why do you guys always want to relate me to them? I was feeling alright, until you guys kept on relating me to them. I hinted that I wasn't interested. But you guys have to cross the line.

I am not some celebrity and you are not some reporters. I have no news value. I know gossips can be interesting at times, but why make me the victim of one?

Things has already been bad enough for me. Whatever they're doing, whether in a relationship or not, is seriously none of my business. I really can't be bothered to care. All I want is to cherish our last few moments together as a class. Is that so difficult?

Do I have to enter the class every morning and hear the words "Love Triangle"?

Do I always have to be related to her and him?

Do I have to always pretend that I am angry at her when I am actually not?

Do I have to always hide the truth from you guys?

For the last time, I really don't care what they're doing. I am just doing my part as a classmate and as a friend. If they end up together, good for them. But if you relate me to them, I am drawing the line.

I am still a kid. Sigh.

Sigh. Blast from the past. Nah. It's alright. I don't really care (=

Game on!

Everyday, I see my dream =)

I am always putting people before myself. That's why I can never bear to hurt anyone. I just wanna protect everyone close to me. I am no longer the kid I was 11 years ago. I am now strong enough to take care of myself and others.

Since, I can't bear to take away anyone's smile, the only way is to take away my own smile. It's nothing. Life has taught me a lot of things. I am stronger than ever right now.

I am standing strong (=

Why doesn't anyone understand me? =.=''

Sadness.

I am the worst classmate ever.

遗憾

失去了，才知道珍惜。。。说了再见才知道错。。。

痛 是以後無法再給你幸福。

我好想好想回到过去。 但是，我不能这么自私。

想要跟你一起走到最後，

但我遺失了地圖。

我们还会快乐吗？

我明白

我明白了。 我明白那个歌的意义。

休息是為了走更長的路
你就是我的旅途
都是因為你 我一直漫步

想要跟你一起走到最後
但我遺失了地圖
誰給誰束縛 誰比誰辛苦
愛到深處才會領悟

好的事情 最後雖然結束
感動十分 就有十分滿足
謝謝你 是你陪我走過那些路
痛 是以後無法再給你幸福

好的事情 也許能夠重複
感動時分 就算紛紛模糊
不要哭 至少你和我記得很清楚
愛 是為彼此祝福

想要跟你一起走到最後
但我遺失了地圖
誰給誰束縛 誰比誰辛苦
愛到深處才會領悟

好的事情 最後雖然結束
感動十分 就有十分滿足
謝謝你 是你陪我走過那些路
痛 是以後無法再給你幸福

好的事情 也許能夠重複
感動時分 就算紛紛模糊
不要哭 至少你和我記得很清楚
愛 是為彼此祝福

不要哭 至少你和我記得很清楚
愛 是為彼此祝福

Don't go.

I just wished to go back to the past. I don't really care about what the others will say. I just want things to 回到过去。 Let the story continue on. Is that so difficult? I know you care. Don't leave my side.

What is this? I am just minding my own business and Life has to be a bitch. You can cook me, kill me, boil me, chop me, slash me, cut me, punch me, kick me, fry me, steam me. But....I guess it's too bad.


Lets play this game then.

Too bad.

Even if my body is full of scars, injuries, whatever... I will still stand back up and fight. Sucks for you.

Wow...

Today, the problem statement for Science was Biology. It was complicated =O I had the fear of failing the day for the first time. I was like huh? throughout the whole lesson =O But then I am glad that at least I have something to do. Takes my mind off some things. Things that I don't wanna think about. Fake people I don't want to face. I have just been backstabbed again.

I thought I could trust everybody. Guess that's not going to be the case ever again. From now on, the doors to my heart will no longer be opened, they shall close. Letting no one inside ever again. Even if I have to be all alone by myself. Cause I don't really care.

No point caring about others when you can't even care for yourself. Too bad.

Just smile.

Can you smile? You're the one that wanted it to be this way. Being with me/ thinking about me, only makes you sadder. Go enjoy your life. Don't waste it on me. I know you will become a great fashion designer in the future.

It's alright not to care.

It's not wrong to ignore something. It's not wrong to not care about something. It's alright.

...

From laughters, It became absolute silence.

From friends, We became total strangers.

From Words, It became only an exchange of non-verbal communication.

Till today, You still don't understand.

Till today, I am the one at fault.

Till today, who changed?

We are pretending.

15/7/2011

Lets start the day with a blast! Gotta live it up BIG TIME! =D

14/7/2011

So tired. Yesterday, I was sick. Today, I am sick. When people approached me for help with RJs, it's obvious and logical that I should direct them to someone else. I don't wanna ruin anyone's grades. Especially when I am hating myself this much. Sometimes, everyone thinks that I am so emo. But have they ever wondered if my reason for emoing, was strong and good enough? Cheer up, Cheer up, Cheer up... Everyone says that. No one ever tries to understand how I am feeling.

From now on, I am wearing a key ring on my thumb. The key ring was supposed to remind me of my dreams to become a Doctor. A Doctor that is able to help lots of people. Wearing it on my thumb, as I was told, represents Independance and Courage. I'll use this to remind me. I must be strong, even if I am all alone. I don't need anyone. I am strong enough.

Truth

Why does everyone search desperately for the truth, when they know it will hurt them? Yet, they still want to know the truth. Are we dumb or what?

13/7/2011

Sigh. After so many struggles, I have finally done what I need to do. Sometimes, I wonder why do I not realise that, there's things that I should do and do it? After 10 weeks of lessons, I wouldn't say that I have grew a lot stronger or wiser or smarter. But, lets just say I made some improvements.

I just wish things will stay this way, I guess. I also hope that maybe one day, I'll change into the type of guy she wants and likes.

Sorry！

能不能給我一首歌的時間

緊緊的把那擁抱變成永遠

在我的懷裡妳不用害怕失眠

哦如果妳想忘記我也能失憶


能不能給我一首歌的時間

把故事聽到最後才說再見

妳送我的眼淚 讓它留在雨天

哦越過妳劃的線我定了勇氣 的終點

痛

心里真的好痛好痛。 明明知道她喜欢的，不是我。 我。。。还假装没事，安安静静地留在她的身边，守着她，保护她。一天一天地过，慢慢看着她，一点一点更喜欢上另一个他。这种感觉，太难受了。 可能是他太强了吧， 或着我太差了。我经常问自己，能不能不爱了？ 我却不忍心，狠心下来。 我恨我自己。 为什么要那么傻？ 还有六个星期， 大家就分开了。 我应该痛六个星期吗？ 我能忍这六个星期的痛吗？ 我想我应该告诉自己如果真正爱她， 就要看着她幸福。

我的身上好像被一百颗子弹打中一样， 好痛好痛， 好累好累。心里，好像被恐怖分子被炸成粉碎。 我要痛死了。 我的心痛痛痛， 你知道吗？

A man can only sing.

When a guy is sad about something, he can only choose to sing his emotions out. No matter how painful he is feeling, especially a heartwreck, he can't choose to cry. The only thing he could do, is to sing. For when he cries, he will feel pathetic and weak. But when he sings, it will only help him get by.

Why am I always doing this? Maybe I am thinking too much. Imagine if you like a girl and everyone in your class, tells you that this girl likes another guy, in the same class. To make matters worse, they say the guy likes the girl back.

I feel so extra in this triangle struggle. I don't have a choice anymore. In the past, when things were just between me and her, it was easy. But now, it isn't. The feeling really sucks. It feels like I have been ran over by a bus over and over again, the pain never stops. On one hand, I really like the girl, I really want to grab her hand. On the other hand, the guy is my good friend. I don't want him or her to feel depressed over this thing. I wish I could be the only one that bears the pain no matter how much I want to be with her.

I keep on lying to myself every single night. I don't like her anymore. It's just a passing feeling, However, deep down, I know it isn't true. But only by lying to myself, then I'll be able to fall asleep. Every single day, no matter what time I sleep, I can't sleep until 3 plus am in the morning. And I wake up everyday, feeling worse than hell.

I just don't know what to do anymore. If only life could be simple. If only, I didn't need to consider about other people's feelings. If only I had the courage to ask her, who does she really like. If only, I was stronger.

The reason why I didn't want to ask her is because, she feels conflicted whenever I talk to her about this. I don't want to put her through that process anymore. She only looks cute when she's crazily laughing. But when she is sad, she still looks cute but... in a bad way I guess.

I don't want her to not make the decision because she's scared that I may not want to be her friend anymore. Because, that's just not right. I am standing in between that guy and her. I feel so extra. I feel like I am wasting everybody's time.

This chapter is coming to an end, but the story goes on.

Listened to wedding dress for over a few hundred times, because that song is the only force that can make me harden my heart and tell her, I don't like you anymore, I hate you. Just go to that guy already.

Because I know, without the song, I'll cry.

When a girl cries for a guy, it doesn't mean she's missing that guy. But when a guy cries, it means he really likes that girl very much.

对不起， 这都是我的错。 是我让你受这种苦。我只想你快乐， 我不想变成你的痛苦。 我告诉自己， 我只能给你快乐。 这段日子，你给了我很多快乐的片段。我觉得已经够了。做人不要太贪心， 是时喉离开了。 我只能对你说，我真的很喜欢你。 你一定要幸福！我会永远在你的左右。。。你不用做选择了。 因为我帮你做了选择。我喜欢你。。。I am giving up even though I don't want to.